During my experience as a pregnant woman, and now as a mother, I’ve learned some things about myself, about women, and even more important, about God. At the beginning, I asked a lot of questions. A LOT of questions. So often, the answers I received were not what I expected. I expected black and white; I expected definitive answers. All too often, I was met with, “You’ll find the answer.” Why, I thought, wasn’t there an answer that I could scribble down on a Post-it and stick on my fridge, so I couldn’t get it wrong?
I think back to when I was a young Christian, and the same was true. All too often, I was seeking “rules”. I think it’s natural, to want to know what the RIGHT answers are, or the CORRECT way to pray, or tithe, or read your Bible. But the answer that kept evolving for me, and still does to this day, is that because God is relational, we are dealing with matters of the heart. When it comes to the heart, nothing is black and white and definitive. There is so much gray area, and so much is left to be answered by drawing close to God and listening to Him, and responding in His own unique way as it relates to you as an individual.
Over my years as a Christian, I am the one who likes structure. I clung tightly to my rhythm and routine. Wake up, make coffee, sit down with my Bible and dig in, asking the Holy Spirit to guide my reading. There is nothing wrong with this. There is something troubling when it becomes more about the act than about the purpose. After I had my baby, this “structure” was greatly disrupted. My brain was wired to this routine I had grown accustomed to, and without it I was struggling. How was I going to find time to sit down with my Bible when my mind was always on my baby and his sleep schedule? Distraction would always set in as I found that precious moment alone. It was a struggle. I finally waved goodbye to my routine and prayed that God would help me walk through this. He did, as He always does. I’ve learned to cope using three helpers: Flexibility, Creativity & knowing that everything has a season.
I learned that God doesn’t need me to settle into that moment in order to work through me. I can talk to him ALL DAY if I want to, and He can teach me things that way (flexibility). I learned to use small moments, like my morning commute to dig into the word (creativity). Most importantly, I learned to be patient, for every season is different in life. My baby will only be small for a short time. As my life shifts and changes, I get the opportunity to learn to know God is all kinds of ways.
Sometimes I yearn for those easier days of living in my own little world with God. But as things change, and my life grows more rich with family and love, I have Him to thank for every small moment. I hope this encourages you to seek God in whatever way you are able to in this season of life. Ask God to show you unique and creative ways to grow your faith. Remember to stay flexible, and be patient in your walk. There is no definitive way to seek God; and I have found peace with this. The best and most fulfilling way I have found is by talking to him constantly, giving him thanks in all things, and thriving in the moments where His glory can transcend my shortcomings.